Dealing With Headaches

Don’t try looking this kind of headache up in the medical journals or medical websites. I just made the name up. I think in a few generations there will be clinical trials on Christmas muzak headaches, as a unique sadistic form of pain.

It’s only December 3rd, and I wish the bloody Holidays was over with already. Whenther it’s Christmas, Hanukkah, Yule or Saturnalia you celebrate, it’s all a pain in my head to me. It’s not the holiday itself, the meaning behind it or the concept of trying to be nice to one another at least one day out of the year. It’s the darned muzak. And I’m not even Christian, so that makes some of the muzak even more grating.

Yes, I’m Spelling It Right

Muzak is a different species of sound from music. In case you are blessedly unfamiliar with the term, let me crush your innocence. Muzak is the crap in the guise of music piped in to stores, often interupted for all important advertisements. I used to work in retail for about ten years, and I sware the muzak alone has taken at least five years off of my life.

I’m Not The Only One

I know I’m not the only one who gets an instant headache from the first three notes of any Christmas muzak anti-tune. A bill was actually introduced in England’s Parliment by MP Robert Key in 2000 hoped to ban all muzak in public places like retail shops, because it constitutes a “health hazard”. Sadly, it was never seriously considered.

How To Deal With Christmas Muzac Headache

Well, you could puncture your eardrums with an icepick, but that’s rather dramatic and not recommended. Besides, no health insurance would reimburse the bills for that.

Sticking a Walkman or iPod on and cranking it up is also not recommended. The muzak has a way of sinking in and poisioning even your favorite tunes.

You can try to stuff your ears with ear plugs before walking into a shop, but then again you won’t hear much of anything else, which can be a little inconveinient.

The best thing you can do is either try to make the best of it and know what you are shopping for before you walk in the shop. That way, you can spend as little time possible exposed to the Christmas muzak menace. Or, you can do most of your shopping online, where you get to decide your background soundtrack.

Of course, we could all just get together and decide to get rid of this silly lust for expensive gift-giving at this time of year and divert the money to good causes, but that would make too much sense.